Sandy Cohen and Roger Cormier

As we grow older and want to make the most of our boomer and senior years, we can take a fresh look at the various parts of our lives. Many of us retire and then volunteer, travel and read more and/or delve into lifelong or recently emerging passions like spirituality, art, cooking and forms of exercise and relaxation. Such decisions may address the “what, when and where” of our daily lives but not necessarily the “with whom.”

We are fortunate if we have friends with much shared history and mutual support. As we transition from our careers to retirement, we can make new, special friends who can further enrich our lives.


But then there are people who have tended to take advantage of our loyalty without having done their share of initiating communication with and showing genuine interest in us. We can allow ourselves to feel hurt and resentful that such relationships have been mostly about them, and rarely about us. We also can consider whether to continue investing in them out of unreflective loyalty, or to withdraw our time and energy from them in order to invest more in mutually enlivening friendships.

It is up to us to discern whether such personal histories have any potential for redemption. Can we imagine directly communicating our concerns and receiving a response that shows promise of true friendship going forward? If not, maybe it is time for us to redirect our energy to mutually initiating, vibrant and caring relationships?

It has always been our choice. However, as we grow older, we can give ourselves permission to invest less in those who take rather than give. Looking forward, we can treasure more than ever our precious time and sharing with real friends.